Currently: sitting by the window facing the front porch of my house. Watching a flower dance in its pot. I’m occasionally gazing at the tree in my neighbour’s house. I choose to blog
As we grow, our capacity ought to expand. I refuse to be a 12 years old girl in a 3years old body. At 3 years, the toddler could and would drink water. At 12, she could and would drink but much more than she did at 3. capacity.
Normally, I’m all shades of good. Just fabulous, you know. So I hated it as in turns my good natured attributes got ruffled. The calm superfluity I had, began to dissolve and I saw anger, I saw unforgiveness and I just wouldn’t believe it.
The truth is, it was the new me. I had grown.
When a flower grows, it loses it’s form, grows in every direction, still the same bright leaves, it blooms et al. It’s still gracious but it has thorns sticking out, it is formless unless the gardener takes the shears and prunes.
John15:2: “…and he prunes every branch that does bear fruit, so that it will be clean and bear more fruit”
A few months ago, I saw unforgiveness was very very ugly, darn it. Every time I pictured the devil as a young girl, he was ugly but the unforgiveness I saw, was uglier than I had ever imagined. It baffled me. It was sticking out of me. I was able to forgive eventually as God helped me.
2cor3:5 “not that we think we are of ourselves sufficient to do anything but our sufficiency is of God”
The case this time around wasn’t forgiving someone else. It was forgiving myself. I did something I regretted, to put it simply. I didn’t want to pray, I felt I failed God. Then I remembered some Christian literature I had read saying after you’ve sinned, God is most ready to hear you pray. Ask for forgiveness. It is cheating to think you’re ‘protecting God’ and hence refuse to speak to him with your defiled self. He wants you to come so he can wash you and restore you.
So it’s two themes in my head: forgiveness and writing. I have obtained forgiveness from God but how about that other theme. See, I got encouragement to ask for forgiveness without wasting time because I had read.
I know people who still read. This blog inclusive. Thus, I’m writing.
I don’t believe one who was “despised, and rejected, who endured suffering and pain. No one would even look at him, we ignored him as if he were nothing “Isaiah53:3 yet was enduring the suffering that was meant to be ours, would now choose not to forgive us when we return to him. No.
It turned out that my last blog post had a major theme of forgiveness. I gave some excerpts some of which I’ll quote again. We need to forgive people. We need to forgive ourselves and accept God’s forgiveness. As we grow, we need our spirit man to grow so we can forgive better than we did yesterday because today’s offence is stronger than that of yesterday. we need to love more fiercely. We need more.
“I did it to myself . I did it to myself. mea culpa, mea culpa”
Is not the strategy to take, nope and that’s because
“God doesn’t condemn he forgives”
“She looked at him bleakly: ‘your kind of love can’t feel good’
‘Does your kind feel any better?’ she looked away.
He unlooped the reins. ‘right now love doesn’t have an awful lot to do with feelings‘ he said grimly
‘don’t misunderstand I’m as human as the next man. I feel alright. I feel plenty right now, a lot I wished I didn’t’ “
he says love doesn’t have a awful lot to do with feelings. God loves us inspite. Just come
” he[Jesus] was a man of sorrows, acquainted with bitterest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way when he went by. He was despised and we did not care. Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins!” Isaiah 53;3,4
Still in doubt?
Currently: sitting by the window, my back to the flower still dancing in it’s pot. My body given to typing and eating something yellow again( I did not plan it, seriously!) loool.
What has been your experience on giving and accepting forgiveness?
Love, forgiveness and yellow meals